You have a diagnosis, or you are far enough along to know that your child's body reacts to the world differently. Some days the tag on a shirt is a crisis. Other days they crash into the sofa for an hour and seem to need it. This page gives you the vocabulary for that, and a ladder you can use at home tonight.
The eight senses, in plain words
Most of us learned five senses. Occupational therapists work with eight, and the extra three explain most regulation trouble in young autistic and ADHD children.
| Sense | What it does | What it can look like when it is off |
|---|---|---|
| Sight | Light, colour, movement | Squinting under fluorescent lights, staring at spinning things |
| Hearing | Sound, pitch, background noise | Hands over ears at the hand dryer, or not answering to their name in a noisy room |
| Touch | Pressure, texture, temperature | Hates labels and haircuts, or does not notice a scraped knee |
| Taste and smell | Flavour, odour | Refuses foods by texture or smell, gags at the cafeteria |
| Vestibular | Balance and movement, from the inner ear | Spins without getting dizzy, or panics on a swing |
| Proprioception | Where your body is in space, from muscles and joints | Crashes, squeezes, chews, pushes; seems "too rough" |
| Interoception | Signals from inside: hunger, thirst, heartbeat, needing the toilet, feeling hot | Melts down "out of nowhere" when actually hungry; toileting is hard; cannot say "I feel sick" |
The last three are the quiet ones. A child who cannot feel that they are hungry, tired or needing the toilet falls apart without warning. Occupational therapists treat proprioception as the foundation of regulation and the vestibular system as an anchor for attention and emotion; this rests on clinical practice more than trial evidence. moderate
Over-responsive, under-responsive, and both
Sensory differences run in two directions, and one child can run both ways.
- Over-responsive: the volume knob is turned up. Light touch feels like a shove; a vacuum cleaner is unbearable; new food smells make them gag. These children avoid, cover, flee.
- Under-responsive: the volume knob is turned down. They need more input to register it. They seek: spinning, jumping, chewing, mouthing, crashing, loud noises. They may not notice pain, cold or a full bladder.
The pattern often flips by sense: hates the blender, loves to be squeezed. It also flips by day; a tired, hungry or unwell child is more over-responsive to everything. Motor differences sit alongside this. A large meta-analysis found motor coordination differences big enough that the authors called them a core feature of autism. strong Clumsiness or refusing to draw is often sensory-motor, not behavioural.
The regulation ladder
Each rung is a state. The point is to act low, at rung 2 or 3, where small things work, rather than at rung 5, where nothing does.
- Calm and connected. Playing, chatting, curious. Eye contact or shared attention comes easily. This is the state everything else is trying to get back to.
- Busy, a little revved. Louder, faster, more repetitive. More stimming, more movement. Still able to follow a simple request. What helps: nothing dramatic. Name it lightly ("lots of energy"), offer a heavy-work job (carry the groceries, push the stroller), reduce one input (turn off the TV).
- Scanning and rigid. Refuses transitions, insists on sameness, hands over ears, "no" to everything. Still verbal, but the window is closing. What helps: fewer words, more body. Get down to their level. Offer two choices, not open questions. Deep pressure (a firm hug if they like it, a weighted lap pad, squeezing between cushions). Slow rhythmic movement: a swing, a rocking chair, walking together. Snack and water, because interoception is unreliable.
- Fight, flight or freeze. Hitting, running, screaming, or going silent and still. Language is mostly gone. What helps: safety first, words last. Reduce people, light and sound. Stay near, stay quiet, stay calm. Do not teach, reason or negotiate. This rung is where a meltdown lives.
- Shutdown or exhaustion. Flat, floppy, asleep on the floor, unreachable. What helps: protect the coming-down. Dim, quiet, water, a familiar comfort object. No demands for a good while.
Coming down is slower than going up. A child who reached rung 4 at 3 p.m. is not "fine" at 3:20 because the crying stopped; plan the rest of the day as if they are at rung 3.
Co-regulation first
Young children do not self-regulate on demand. They borrow regulation from the adults around them, and this stays true longer for autistic and ADHD children. The compendium calls this co-regulation and treats it as the primary mode for ages 3 to 6, with environment (predictable routines, calmer spaces), then movement, then self-regulation stacked on top. moderate
The practical version: before you reach for a strategy, check your own rung. A parent at rung 3 cannot bring a child down from rung 4. Slow your breathing, lower your voice, unclench your jaw, sit down. This is not a nicety; it is the mechanism. See parent burnout and co-regulation first.
Moving together helps both of you. Walking in step, rocking, swinging side by side, dancing slowly in the kitchen: shared rhythm calms two nervous systems at once. This is one of the better-supported ideas in the movement literature, though most of it is clinical and observational rather than from trials. emerging
Where the disagreement is
Much of the popular language here (the "ventral vagal" calm state, "dorsal" shutdown, "polyvagal-informed" parenting) comes from polyvagal theory. It is worth knowing that the theory's neuroscience is contested. A 2023 review in Biological Psychology argued that its five core claims about vagus nerve anatomy and evolution are not supported by the physiology evidence, and a group of vagal physiologists has since published a longer critique. The theory's originator and the Polyvagal Institute have replied that the critics misread the theory's anatomical claims. contested
Our position: the three-state map (calm and social, fight or flight, shutdown) is a useful way for a parent to read a child. We use it as a map. We do not use it to make claims about the vagus nerve, and neither should any therapist selling you a program. The same goes for sensory "diets": decent clinical tradition, mixed trial evidence. mixed Try things; keep what your child responds to.
Sensory supports that cost little
- Heavy work before hard moments: carrying, pushing, jumping, animal walks.
- A retreat spot at home that the child chooses; nobody sends them there.
- Headphones and sunglasses in the bag, always.
- Food, drink and toileting on a schedule, because interoception does not reliably signal them.
- Preview the day with two or three photos. Fewer surprises means fewer rungs climbed.
An occupational therapist can tailor this. In Quebec, ask the CLSC, Agir tôt (under 7) or a private OT; see who does what.
This week
- Write the five rungs on a card and stick it on the fridge. For two days, note which rung your child is on at breakfast, after daycare, and at bedtime.
- Pick one heavy-work activity and do it every day before the hardest transition.
- Notice your own rung once a day before you respond to your child.
Sources
- Motor coordination in autism spectrum disorders: a synthesis and meta-analysis — Fournier et al., Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 2010
- Fundamental challenges and likely refutations of the five basic premises of the polyvagal theory — Grossman, Biological Psychology, 2023
- Critical discussion of polyvagal theory — Polyvagal Institute (theory's proponents' reply), accessed 2026
- Sleep, sensory integration/processing, and autism: a scoping review — Lane, Leão and Spielmann, Frontiers in Psychology, 2022
- The Agir tôt program: early screening to better address children's needs — Gouvernement du Québec, accessed 2026